


Will You Come With Me or Just Leave?

by anyothergirl415



Series: Loveland High verse [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-03
Updated: 2010-07-03
Packaged: 2017-10-26 23:58:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/289321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyothergirl415/pseuds/anyothergirl415
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years ago they'd been best friends. Now they weren't even close.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Will You Come With Me or Just Leave?

When Jensen was a little boy he had a Kid Sister doll named Ludo. Josh, his older brother, had one of the My Buddy dolls and Jensen had wanted one too but when they'd gone to Toys 'R' Us there had been none. In fact, there was just the one Kid Sister doll left there on the shelf. Jensen had a brand new baby sister and he knew a little about feeling like the odd one out, the last one of the shelf. So he'd told his mom that he wanted that doll and for the entire summer Jensen was seven he carried Ludo around as a constant companion to whatever adventures he found himself on.

That was also the summer when Chad Murray had spent two and a half months at his Grandparents in Connecticut. Jensen hadn't minded, Chad could be okay but he was mostly annoying and he always wanted to be Leonardo when they played Ninja Turtles even though Jensen was pretty sure Chad wasn't the best leader. And he always made Jensen be Michelangelo - which meant he had to complain and ask for pizza a lot. Jensen would have been okay being Raphael or Donatello - but those positions were always filled by Mike and Jared, and Chad said Jensen was best at whining.

It was different that summer though because for two and half glorious months it was just Jensen and Jared and sometimes Mike but he'd always been a little weird and mostly he would come over; declare that aliens were attacking his brain and that he couldn't play that day. It actually meant that Mike's mom needed him at home for some reason or other - Jensen and Jared never asked and Mike never said - but the boys went along with it and never failed to wish Mike luck.

To this day - even though there had been almost a dozen summers since that one - Jensen still declared it the best. (Only privately, secretly in his mind where no one else could hear.) They still weren't allowed to go very far on their block so mostly they had stuck between their two neighboring houses.

Jensen liked Jared best. Jared never made fun of him for carrying around Ludo - everyone else in his family did though, even if they pretended not too - and he was always eager to play whatever game Jensen wanted. But he'd suggest his own too so Jensen didn't always have to be the one choosing. Later in life Jensen learned how important that quality was.

Sometimes Jared even let Jensen be Mario instead of Luigi - even though at the time Jensen was taller - and they'd hop around the trampoline trying to save Princess Ludo from King Koopa and his Goomba's. It inevitably ended in them colliding with each other during one particularly large jump and collapsing onto the black springy surface in laughter.

Two and a half months passed with laughter and sunshine and hours in the pool in Jared's backyard. Nights spent at one another’s, constantly attached at the hip, caused their parents to shake their heads and declare them Siamese twins. Their windows faced each other’s and they'd even fashioned a rope with a bucket between the two so they could pass notes back and forth on the rare occasions they weren't allowed to be together. Like when they got caught creating a P.O.W. camp for Mackenzie and Megan's baby dolls.

Jensen still had them, the notes passed in that stupid metal bucket with that stupid worn rope. His dad had searched for that rope - and never found it - the following Christmas when it was all over. They were stuffed at the top of his closet, the rope wrapped in a tight bundle and tucked in the bucket, the notes in a box that also housed four movie stubs, six left over tokens from the arcade, and a He-Man doll whose leg had popped off and gotten lost somewhere at the park.

Occasionally, when Jensen had spent his entire day hanging out with some of his friends who were maybe overly emotive and dramatic he'd close his blinds and pull out the box. Actually, his blinds were nearly always closed when he was in the room - his mom had a habit of opening them during the day like that would magically fix everything harboring within ten years of silence. It wouldn't.

The notes were faded, pencil worn with time, worn like they knew what they were and what they used to mean. It was only half of the conversation. Jensen had Jared's responses scribbled with too big letters that occasionally faced the wrong direction. Things like _we sho thim_ and _dont want skool bak - want sumer 4evr wit u!_ with both the K's the wrong way.

Jensen couldn't remember what he said back. But he remembered how it ended.

The night before Chad came back Jensen had stayed at Jared's with the promise he'd join his mom early in the morning for back to school shopping. They'd gone to bed at their usual bedtime - which was 9:30 at Jared's and 9:00 at Jensen's - but the light off and laying in two separate places hadn't been enough to make them fall asleep. Instead Jared slid off the bed and made Jensen scoot over in his sleeping bag until he could cram himself inside the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cover.

"Jen?" He'd whispered and his breath smelt like chocolate ice cream and Crest toothpaste.

Jensen giggled because the air tickled his ear and he pushed at Jared. "It's too hot Jare, we can't _both_ sleep in here."

"But everything's gonna be different tomorrow." Jared continued to whisper and this time Jensen didn't wiggle away when an arm hooked around his middle.

School didn't start for another two weeks but Jensen could remember how sad he'd been at Jared's words. It was true too, because Chad coming back would mean sleepovers wouldn't be just them and no more Mario and Luigi and someone would always have to sit out while two others were playing Nintendo. Jensen frowned and snuggled closer to Jared. "But you'll still be my best friend right?"

"Always and forever." Jared beamed and even in the darkness Jensen could see it.

They were quiet for a little while after that and Jensen didn't so much mind the way it was too hot in the sleeping bag or the way Jared was attached to him like they really were Siamese twins.

Then Jared spoke up again. "I saw Jeff kissing Ashley Whitely earlier. I was gonna tell you but it was gross and I didn't want you to feel gross too."

Jensen scrunched his nose up and shook his head. "That _is_ gross. Ashley Whitely has a big nose."

"And pimples." Jared added and they both giggled, foreheads pressing together as they shifted on their sides to face one another. "Jeff says they're dating."

"I wouldn't date Jeff even if you took Ludo from me and wouldn't give her back unless I did." Jensen curled his arms protectively around the doll just in case someone had the idea in mind to take her away.

"Duh stupid, you can't date Jeff he's my brother." Jared giggled again and his teeth flashed white in the moonlight. "Jeff says Ashley Whitely was his first kiss. He says she kisses really good."

"Why would you want to kiss a girl? They've got cooties." Jensen shuddered at the thought. "I don't want my first kiss with someone like Ashley Whitely."

"Totally." Jared nodded then lifted his finger, biting at the nail like he always did when he was thinking real hard about something. "Jeff says first kisses are important and you should share them with someone you really really like."

"Don't think that'll ever be a girl." Jensen shrugged with one shoulder, staring at Jared with wide eyes just barely peeking out from the cover of the sleeping bag.

"But, I really really like you." Jared's voice was tiny and shy in the darkness then surging forward as he worked his way through whatever was going on in his mind. "I think maybe you should be my first kiss."

Still, _still_ so many years later Jensen could remember how at the time that had seemed like the _best_ idea. If he had his first kiss with Jared then later on he'd never have to worry about picking the right person. So he'd agreed and never realized how the rest of his life would be changed because of it. They'd both been giggling when they scooted under the sleeping bag until they were hidden in darkness.

Jensen had been so nervous when the chocolate and Crest breath got closer and closer, he'd almost punched Jared's middle and told him to stop being lame but he hadn't. It was just barely a kiss, their noses bumped and Jared's lips felt sticky and warm against his, then they were both pulling back and giggling so loudly he'd been surprised they hadn't been caught. But then Jared had quietly insisted that wasn't a real first kiss and they had to hold it for at least five Mississippi's for it to really count.

The second one had been different because Jensen wet his lips and Jared mimicked him. When their lips touched it wasn't so sticky but it was wetter and even warmer and the air rushing out Jared's nose ticked his skin. Later, when Jensen would think about it, he could remember Jared's hands on his shoulder and the way his heart was speeding up in his chest, and how they both kept their eyes open and stared at each other as their lips touched. They'd moved just a little, lips just slightly sliding together, and then Jared had pulled away.

Jensen remembered having to make himself laugh with Jared as they burst out from under the sleeping back. Everything had felt different and he wasn't even sure why. But he'd been sad when Jared's mom came in and made Jared get back in his bed and happy when he'd woken up in the morning to find Jared back in the sleeping bag with him.

And then Chad came home.

Jensen had been so excited about his new school supplies - specifically his Mario and Luigi lunch box, the one he wanted Jared to get too so they'd match - that he'd been out of the van and across the yard to Jared's house next door before his mom had even parked. She called after him but Jensen just skidded to a stop at the front porch and bounced back and forth while he waited for an answer at the Padalecki's.

Jared's mom led him downstairs, where she said Jared and Chad were playing. In one arm Jensen had Ludo curled protectively and the other he was clutching his new lunch box. Chad was talking a mile a minute, showing Jared a stack of things he'd brought back with him. But when Jared looked at him his eyes lit up and he jumped to his feet.

Before Jared could say hello Chad was looking toward him and laughing. "What's with the doll Jensen? Or is it _Jenny_ now?"

A frown had curved Jensen's lips down and his excitement fizzled out. "Shut up Chad."

"Come on Jenny, we're gonna play Ninja Turtles but you gotta throw out the doll." Chad continued to laugh and right then Jensen had decided he hated the little squinty faced blond.

"I don't wanna throw her out and I don't wanna play Ninja Turtles with you 'cause you never let anyone else pick who they are and that's stupid. And Mike's not here either so we can't." Jensen shuffled from foot to foot and looked over at Jared who was looking everywhere else but at him.

"Listen Jenny, you wanna play with your doll you can go do it somewhere else 'cause that's really lame and I don't wanna be friends with lame-o's. Huh Jared? You don't wanna play with stupid dolls do you?"

That had really been the critical moment. No one would ever understand, and sometimes Jensen wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened but he couldn't change the facts. Because for seven years and two and half glorious months Jensen had been best friend's with his next door neighbor Jared Padalecki - the boy he'd been attached to the hip too, the boy who knew him so very well, the boy he'd had his first kiss with - and then in a few short words it was over.

"No. I don't wanna play with stupid dolls."

At seven, those words felt like the ultimate betrayal. Jensen felt tight and uncomfortable and he'd stared at Jared whose head was hanging down for a really long minute before Chad was laughing and Jensen turned, running up the stairs and out of the house.

He'd never gone back.

Now at seventeen years old the betrayal from his old best friend seemed stupid. Only Jared had never come to apologize and it just sat there, festering and brewing. For the final two weeks before school had started Jensen ignored Jared - even when he pushed the bucket across the rope and let it bang against the window panes. Finally Jensen waited until Jared went off with Chad one more and he took the rope and bucket down, stashed them away. Jared never tried to talk to him again after that.

Maybe if Jared had come after him that day and apologized, told Jensen he wasn't stupid for having a doll and wanting her around, maybe it would have fixed things between them. Jensen tried not to think about that though because ten years had passed and some things just weren't able to be fixed. And it wasn't like either Chad or Jared had gotten any nicer.

  


It was a general rule for Jared that Chad wasn't allowed in his room. His best friend never seemed to notice though, since more often than not he was leading the way and Jared was trailing behind. They often ended up in Chad's room or Jared's basement when confined indoors but while it was still warm they found their type of sanctuary outdoors. So Jared's room, it was his haven, the one place that was really just his. Sometimes Jared avoided it like the plague, refusing to accept the pain of being there with the haunting images and closed blinds of the window across the yard. Other times, like now, Jared couldn't get enough.

On his wall there was a bulletin board. It had been up since he was a little boy, papers and photos alternating from year to year. Now Jared kept it covered with a black sheet tacked into place at the corners and whenever he was feeling particularly lonely he brought the sheet down and stared at images he had memorized. The border was a collection of worn notes, shared between two boys when there had been nothing else in the world but them. In Jared's daydreams Jensen had the other half of the notes saved and one day when they were in love and sharing a home they'd show them to each other and match up the order.

Jared's daydreams were perhaps a little schmoopy.

His fingers traced over the top one - _can't beleeve we got n truble 4 the dolls, shuld just run away!_ and the one below it - _ur my best freind 4evr Jared_. That one always brought tears to his eyes, always even ten years after it had been written.

There were four pictures of Jared and Jensen together. One when they were four and Jensen's little sister was two weeks old. They were sitting on the couch together, Mackenzie lying in Jensen's arms. The smile on Jensen's face was huge and Jared's mirrored it, chubby little arm draped over Jensen's shoulder. Another was from Christmas when they were six, both boys in Santa hats with cookie crumbs on their nice shirts and arms hooked together like they were about to skip out of the picture and off to Santa's workshop.

The other two were from their last summer together. One was at the pool, both boys bobbing in the water, pressed side by side. Jared could remember Mrs. Ackles taking the picture, laughing a moment later when Jared jumped up and dunked Jensen down in one swift motion, going under the water himself until they both came up sputtering and laughing. And the last one was them in the backyard. Jared had no idea who had taken the picture but he found it a couple of years ago when he was going through the photo boxes for a school project.

They were sitting in the grass, facing each other. Jensen was offering something out to Jared, dipping forward slightly and Jared's grin was so big he knew whatever it was his best friend had been offering. It had to be amazing. No matter how many times he thought about it, no matter how close he got with squinted eyes, he couldn't figure out what was in Jensen's hand and he couldn't remember the day. For some reason, that made him incredibly sad.

On the bulletin board there was also a picture from the year after he and Jensen weren't friend's anymore, when they four had all played Little League baseball together. It had been awful, Jensen wouldn't talk to either Jared or Chad and Mike had spent a lot of time looking confused. Everyone had been confused though after that day when Jared had succumbed to peer pressure at the age of seven.

It had never been about not wanting to play with dolls and there wasn't a day that didn't go by when Jared didn't regret his words, just a little. This wasn't to say he didn't love Chad, his best friend, very deeply because he _did_. People could rag on Chad all they wanted, they could call him whatever names but never to his face because he scared them, but no one really knew him like Jared did.

Chad was an amazing friend, even with his doucheness and asshole tendencies. He was loyal to the core, quite often hilarious, and he'd maybe had it tougher than a lot of people knew. Most of the time Chad was overcompensating for something, being an asshole because he was scared of being himself, scoffing and rolling his eyes at something he might actually like because revealing something about himself was a little too much.

That day though, so long ago, Jared had been put in a place he hadn't anticipated. At seven - and maybe even still now - Jared wasn't very good at being stuck between two situations. He'd never wanted to hurt Jensen, but part of him thought the boy who was his best friend would forgive him. He'd tried to apologize in their own private way featuring buckets and ropes but maybe it had already been too late.

Falling in love with Jensen was never part of the equation.

Jared had watched him grow up from afar, always across the street or across the room. He was pretty sure Jensen never went through an awkward pre-teen phase. He just managed to change somehow from cute little kid to gorgeous older guy. It happened sometime between the end of eighth grade and the beginning of ninth. Jared had grown that summer too, shooting up a few inches, thinning out until he felt something like a pole. Jensen though, he'd come into high school with longer hair, a nice honey tan from the summer he'd spent with his Aunt in California and a distinct lack of baby fat. Like three months away made him a man or something. Jared had stared until Chad dragged him off.

He'd maybe been in love since then. Not that it particularly mattered since Jensen wouldn't even look at him let alone give him the chance to speak. Sometimes Jared wanted to be aggravated, call Jensen on his stupid judging that had lasted far too long, but it wasn't like he'd done anything meriting friendship since then so he didn't. Instead he watched and pinned and nursed his crush. If there were pictures of Jensen taken not so long ago on his bulletin board, well, Jared would insist he wasn't stalking him. It was just, because.

Because Jared could close his eyes in moments like these, alone in his room, and pretend like Jensen and he were just little boys, were friend's again, and that Chad asked him something stupid about dolls and he answered different. In Jared's perfect imagination Chad would get over it - because he _would_ if Jared were ever strong enough to stick up for something - and Jensen and he would be best friend's. Then years later, now as it was, Jared would kiss Jensen again and this time they wouldn't have to count to five Mississippi's. This time there would be more, sweeping touches, lingering skin.

In moments like these Jared never wanted to open his eyes and admit to what it would never be.

  


It wasn't exactly uncommon knowledge that Jensen was gay. He'd talked to his parents about it a long time ago, back during puberty when he'd been thinking about boys a lot more than girl's and unsure how to process that. Everyone he was friends with knew that both Mike and he liked guys and they chose their friends carefully enough for it not to be an issue. So even if Jensen wasn't officially out in school, enough people knew he'd always assumed everyone did.

Which didn't at all explain the look on Jared's face when he came around the corner and caught Jensen making out with Nicolas - the all star running back with thick dark hair and bright green eyes. Jensen wouldn't have noticed him, he was understandably pre-occupied, but the squeak that had left Jared's mouth was echoing along the back of the school building.

Anticipating a Freshman or something, Jensen had pulled back to tell the kid to get lost when his eyes landed on his once best friend and still next door neighbor. "Padalecki? Can I help you with something?"

Jared's mouth opened and closed several times, eyes growing wider and wider, eyebrows curving in an impressive arch along his forehead. "Y-you. You're- I didn't know-"

"Shit." Nicolas spat and in a flash he was backing up, hands up. "Fuck dude, just don't tell anyone about this okay? Keep your fucking mouth shut, both of you." He waved his finger threatening between them, spun and took off, using his sports training to put as much distance between them as fast as possible.

Agitation curled up in Jensen and he rolled his eyes, bending at the waist to snag his backpack and hike it up over his shoulder. "Don't you have a Murray to be ass fucking or something?"

Jared was still just sort of staring and by this point his eyes had glazed over. If Jensen didn't know better he would have thought the boy was going to burst into tears. That didn't make sense though so he thought maybe he really had absolutely no idea that Jensen was gay. It seemed unlikely but he'd heard that Jared could be a little clueless sometimes. Jensen had to admit he didn't know the guy at all.

"What the hell is your problem?" Jensen asked, voice far too soft for his own liking. "Dude. Stop staring at me."

In two steps Jared was right there, pressing him up against the wall, shoving into his space and sending Jensen's breath out of his lungs in one deep whoosh. He'd grown - Jensen knew this but only from a distance, up close he was now clearly two inches taller at least - and even with his thin, scrawny frame his mass was enough to have Jensen effectively pinned.

It was the stuff of fantasies - mainly the unacknowledged ones Jensen stored in the back of his mind and refused to address - and he could feel the heat of Jared's cock through his jeans against his own slightly deflated arousal. Of course that arousal returned with a whole new wave of interest and he stared up at Jared, this time it was his jaw dropped in surprise.

"Jared?" He whispered and it felt strange, like half a moan half a question and mostly a plea for _more_.

Whatever it really was, it caused Jared to shudder slightly and dip down, sliding his lips along Jensen's jaw. "Jen-"

"Don't call me that," Jensen breathed but it didn't sound like the harsh command it was supposed to be. Jared's lips on his skin was breaking him down, slamming his heart into his chest, pumping blood in a rush through his veins.

"Jen. Jen, please." Jared's hips were undulated forward in a circle that had their denim clad cocks colliding, sliding, and falling away.

Having no ideas what it was Jared was asking for, Jensen found himself unable to do anything more but curve up, seek out more heat and friction, hands clawing at Jared's back. His mind was losing the moment of _what the fuck_ and falling head over heels into _oh hell fucking yes_.

Lips brushed along his, just barely, and they were neither chocolate ice cream or Crest toothpaste laced. They weren't sticky but they were oh-so-warm and Jensen pushed forward, needing to close the distance more than he thought he would.

And then the call of Chad's voice echoed from the open doorway to the school. The after school silence broken by the, "Jared? What the fuck, where are you man?"

Just like that Jared was three feet away, head turned to the sky. His chest rose and fell with each shaky inhale and Jensen slumped against the wall, blinking wide eyed at him.

"Jay? Shit man; tell me you're not actually hangin' out with this freak." Chad narrowed his eyes toward Jensen, adjusting the strap on his shoulder.

Once more Jensen was seven years old, standing with a doll and a lunch box in his best friend's basement, expecting something more from a person he'd put too much hope into. Only he wasn't seven, he was seventeen and currently outside his high school - outrageously hard but cooling by the moment, kiss swollen lips and slightly tousled long sandy blond hair.

"Jay?" Chad pressed when silence continued to reign between them. "Were you hangin' out with him?"

"No. No, I was-"

Jensen really didn't need to hear anymore. "Fuck you Padalecki." He spat the words and this time there was thick venom, body shoving off the wall with a quick step forward. "I wish I'd never fucking met you."

There may have been a flash of something like pain in Jared's eyes but Jensen couldn't bring himself to care. He hoped Jared felt guilty as hell, he hoped Chad caught him with some guy later on and freaking lost it so Jared could feel exactly what it was like to be betrayed by your best friend. As Jensen stormed angrily through the hallways, wiping stupid burning tears from his eyes, he tried not to think about the warm press of Jared's body and the way his heart hadn't slowed down yet.

He hated Jared Padalecki, for ruining his life back then and for what he'd done just now.


End file.
